Slow Down and Other Thoughts.

I need to slow down. And I'm asking the Lord
to help me do it. I want to move slowly enough
to be aware of all the joys he has hidden for me.
I want to slow down enough to grow as he wants
me to grow. I want to be quiet enough to hear
his voice. I need his wisdom to know how to
spend my time and how to order my days.
- Kathryn Hillen

Lord, You gave us rest to be still and quiet in your prescence. Rest from the fast paced hecticness of life that takes us away from you. You draw us back for rejuvination of relationship and spirit in you.

I went into last night, I went into the evening movie service with a bad attitude. I hadn't seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and i seriously doubted that God would be able to teach me anything through it. I was very wrong. God brought to the surface issues that I thought I wouldn't have to deal with just yet: trying to forget about pain occuring and close down emotionally against it and pretend it doesn't exsist....which doesn't work no matter how much you think it does. And, God really showed me that I need to tear down the barrier i've built around myself that is preventing me from getting to close to anyone emotionally and preventing anyone in return getting to close to me as well. I've always felt like i've needed to put on the happy smiley face no matter what is going on in life...even when life feels like it is crumbling all around you. I have to apologize to my friends as well. As much as I love and appreciate you all, I've been holding back from you and I haven't let you fully in either. I am sorry and I hope you can forgive me for it. I don't want to hold back anymore! God really set me free last night and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you Lord for teaching me things when i least expect them to occur. Even though it felt like i was being blindsided at the time, it really was something i needed to deal with then and there.